Things I’m keen on:
Things that are necessary:
Ok, so perhaps we can get married without all of those things (except for the certificate) but these are reasons we’re bothering to plan a wedding at all. We did, early on in the game, consider elopement, but by really exploring that option we realised that we wanted a communal experience. I do care about our wedding and I do want it to be special celebration of our love. I want it to be sweet, but with a subtle sexiness. I want it to be memorable for us and for our guests. I want it to be beautiful and photogenic.
The thing about marriage for us is that it isn’t something that we feel is necessary to validate us a couple; therefore the entire process of getting married is a sort of extravagance. The wedding itself should reflect that. It’s about going beyond what we need to do and really treating ourselves to a fun time. With this attitude it is the details: the food, the music, the people, and the tiny moments within the day, which make the wedding. I’m not saying we should throw away all our savings in one day – that’s not the kind of extravagance I mean – but I do feel like we should go the extra mile to create something wonderful.
Lucky for us, we have lots of fabulous and creative friends who all want to be involved. Together I know we can build up layers of loving goodness to make, not just one special day, but also a whole series of special events.
What you said about the entire process of getting married is sort of an extravagance. That's really true for my partner and me as well. At first I really followed the "it's the joining of two people. That's what is important not the flowers" line. But if what's important is the joining of two people than my fiance and I wouldn't have any party at all...b/c well, we're already two people joined. Hopefully that made sense.
ReplyDeleteThat made perfect sense, and I agree with you. When somebody is your partner, you already see yourselves and approach life as a couple. The way I see it, getting married is more about acknowledging that in the context of your community. In a lot of respects, getting married is not about us at all. It's about all the people who surround us and asking them to bear witness to our promises, and support us in trying to live up to them.
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